I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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