the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
