life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
