He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
