wakey wakey hands off snakey
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
