My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
