I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
