I think I won the penis lottery.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
