Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
