I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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