maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
