I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Randomize
