butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
look no pants
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My balls are so social today.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
