i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
