A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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