I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
