Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
