so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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