It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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