they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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