So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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