I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
