Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
