an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
