how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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