There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There's always time for handjobs
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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