I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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