She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
