ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
