I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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