If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
