Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I believe in your delicious
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
