dude i'm inner monologue high
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
