my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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