So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
