Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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