I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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