Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
