The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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