I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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