I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
