census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
