Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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