The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
