Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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