no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
