Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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