she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
