I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
