just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
