Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
