When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
