Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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