highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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