Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
