my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
