He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize