im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
