Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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