her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
