I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
