if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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