i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
