...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
