Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
