i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
